Amidst the craziness of the season we had our feet brought back down to earth by helping a mom and her family this past week. During a phone call with her I was reminded of the pain and heartache that comes with the diagnosis of cancer. The uncertainty of the future, wrestling with the past and the overwhelming weight of the present. 
I believe in the goodness of people and the power of prayer. This community of supporters of KM3 has touched many lives profoundly. I hope you all know that. I also want you to know that I give my heart to our patients and remain in touch and in contact when they need an ear, a shoulder or aid again. It is a privilege and I thank you for making it happen.
We here at KM3 wish you all the greatest year ahead yet. May your 2018 be blessed with much happiness.
With much gratitude and respect,
KM3

It seems like I am always in and out of a docotrs office.  Probably because I am.  In the past month or so I have had 6 doctor visits, 2 ultra sounds and blood draws at 2 different labs.  I usually have at least one of my little ones with me which is cool for them I guess as the nurses all know them so they get treats at most visits.   If we have multiple appoinmtents in a day I try to reward us all with ice cream or frozen yogurt.  For me it all sucks.  I truly am at this moment just tired of it all.  I am tired of the anxiety, tired of the testing, tired of the What ifs.  I know this moment will pass which gives me light at the end of the tunnel.  It is when I feel like this that I am reminded of a conversation I had with a minister during a visit we had during one of my chemotherapy appointments.  I remember him explaining how when people go through health traumas like I was going through that sometimes they will look to the heavens asking why?  He told me something then that has stuck with me...He said "Sometimes our bodies just fail us."  It was a very easy concept to understand however it is a very tough concept to live with sometimes.  Anyways as my mom and Grandma have always said...This too shall pass.  

 Its funny how music can be a powerful memory maker.  I have been hearing a song lately that takes back to a moment in time that I will never forget.  I was about 36 weeks pregnant with my son and had finished my chemotherapy but was in terrible shape.  I was so exhausted going to a doctor like everyday for misc. reasons...all having to do with the metastasized (traveling) breast cancer and my uber high-risk pregnancy.  Well I had lower abdomen cramping/contractions one late afternoon so I was advised to go to the Maternity ward.  After they ran some tests they gave me some medicine to stop the cramping/contractions and we had to stay there well into the late hours of the night for monitoring.  We were finally sent home after like 6 hours. I had a prescription to be filled so Brian drove us to the drive-thru pharmacy.  As we were waiting for the prescription a song came on the radio.  There is a section in the song where this line is repeated: "Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone."  Upon hearing that line the tears started running down my face like a river .  It was exactly how I felt.  I wanted to live but I sure was not happy with it.  I was so tired, so sick and had this baby growing inside me consuming the last of what  I had left.  I will never ever forget the pure despair I felt at that moment in the backseat...alone in the dark..wondering why me...what had I done to deserve the the misery of my current situation.  
While it is a terrible memory it is also a very grounding and powerful one.  It reminds me of the strength that I must have had to get through that.  Strength that I had no idea was within me.  That moment will forever remind me that if I could pull through that time then I can pull through a heck of a lot that gets thrown my way.  

I have been told by many that I should write a book.  That idea has been swimming around in my mind for quite sometime.  Instead of a book I have decided to write my story in excerpts that I shall post here.  A book seems like a huge undertaking that intimidates me but I also think writing my story will be cathartic so here goes.  This is my first entry to My Story....
 Part 1:
My name is Kirsten Arbon.  I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on Thursday,May 3, 2012.  I was just about halfway into the pregnancy of my third child.  I had been experiencing some pain in my breast and went to have a routine ultra sound that morning to basically check to see if there were some cysts that were acting up.  Its funny because when I left that appointment I knew something was wrong.  I had lots of ultra sounds before but this one was different.  There was too many pictures taken and the room was way too quiet…usually there is friendly banter not silence.  My sister was watching my toddler so I called her upon leaving and told her I was scared.  We decided to not worry and went on with our day.  I then received a call in the afternoon from the breast center asking if I could come in that afternoon to see a doctor.  I made an appointment for later in the day so my teenager could be with my toddler after she got out of school. I remember lying down to take a nap with my baby knowing that things were gonna change.  My husband was in Atlanta on a business trip and my mom was in Europe.  I shut my eyes and tried to breathe until the appointment in a couple hours. My eldest got home from high-school and  I left for the appointment telling my her that it was just a routine appointment but as soon as I walked into that office I realized that was most definitely not the case.   As I looked at the receptionist I saw earlier that morning I could tell things were wrong.  She directed me to sit.  A nurse walked out shortly after I entered and asked if I was Kirsten, I replied “yes and I am scared.”  She introduced herself to me and little did I know that this woman would be my saving grace for the next years of my life.  I followed her into the patient room and she stood by my side as I got ready to see the doctor.  Later I would find out he was a breast surgeon….and part of the team that was to save my life and my sons.  He examined my breast for quite a while and again there was that silence.  The nurse was holding my left hand rubbing it to comfort me.  Then came the moment that he spoke.  He said “I believe it is what you think it is” and I responded “What do I think it is?”  He then said the word that creates the moment that any human will never forget…”Cancer.”  I can tell you this, I most certainly did not think it was cancer I looked at the nurse in disbelief and back to him then came some tears and I said “but I’m pregnant.”  They looked at me with kindness and sadness in their eyes…silent but saying sorry.  I believe I cried for a little while then composed myself and was wondering why there were no tests like biopsies and mammograms that people have before this moment.  I guess some sort of lead up to it not just WHAM.  He told me that based on the ultrasound they knew and he handed me a card of an oncologist with an appointment scheduled for the following Monday.  He proceeded to do a blind biopsy as the mass was so large he could do it without any aid.  After he was done I just sat up in shock and cried.  The office was empty and it was late so I put on my clothes and called my husband.  He answered and happened to be at a business dinner.  I said “Hi, I was just told I have cancer.”  I remember the pause then the reply ”What?”  I told him again and the conversation was brief as diner with a bunch of business acquaintances is surely not the place to have this discussion.  Can you imagine being him at that moment? Yuck.  So I walked out after some hugs from the nurse and held my head up and called my sister.  She asked how it went and I told her I was told I have cancer.  Again the pause…then as she is super strong and amazing she asked what I needed.  I told her I needed to her to be at my house when I got home as my eldest who is my soul mate would know immediately something was wrong.  I got home and I looked at my daughter and she said, exactly as I knew she would, “What’s wrong?”  I grabbed her by the hand and led her alone with me to my room.  We sat on my bed facing each other and I said “I have cancer.”  Her response was laden with tears.  She told me to do whatever I had to do to survive as I had 2 daughters who needed me.  I looked in her eyes and said I will do whatever it takes to live.  
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That my friend was Day 1.

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It has been an incredible few months.  We have had 3 super successful fundraisers that netted over $20K.  The generosity and support that has been given KM3 astounds me.  I feel so lucky to be part of helping some neat people who need and deserve it.  
A special thank you to my board members who work so hard and help this all come to fruition.  You are the bomb!  
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So I went today to visit our oncology social worker at my old stomping ground at St. Jude.  It's funny because every time I step in that elevator to go to the 2nd floor Cancer center the scent is the same..  It is not bad by any means...it seems like a mix of cleanser and sanitizer.  So anyway that smell is like a comfort to me.  I feel safe when I smell it and my heart warms.  It's like I have a physical and mental reaction to the smell knowing where the elevator will stop.  A place that holds so many memories for me now.  Some of my favorite people in the world walk that floor.  I have met so many incredible folks patients and medical staff that have forever changed my life.  The 2 men who saved my life are there as are the nurses who have imprinted on my heart.  The people I met in the waiting rooms and in the Chemo lounge are etched into my memory.  Some I might see again in the hallways but others can only be met in our next lives.  I love that place and it feels like perhaps it should be a place where I get nervous and anxiety but I don't for the most part.  I know that while I am in the company of all the amazing people filling the rooms and walking the halls I am safe.  They will save me.  A place that holds the memories of the scariest moments of my life...A place that gave me the key to me finding my strength and led me to discovering my passion.  A place filled exceptional human beings either fighting cancer, curing cancer or supporting all those affected.  Anyways, I am there a lot so I guess its good that I love it for all that it is.  

I am super excited for a fundraiser coming up on October 24.  I was approached by the owner of a Personal training gym  who is having a "Fight Cancer/Wellness Fair". He asked if we would be interested in receiving the proceeds from donations raised on that day,  It is a pretty neat thing that word is starting to get out about us and people are approaching us to get involved. I hope it goes awesome! (details posted on our event page)

Something happened that really caught me off guard last month.  One of the patients we helped passed away.  It was quite an emotional happening that left me a bit taxed.  She was such a kind soul and left behind a beautiful son that I wish I could have brought home with me.  I guess that was bound to happen as Cancer is such a gross predator not easily stopped.  The day after her service I received a letter from her that she dictated to a nurse the day before she passed.  It was extremely hard for me to read.  It made me cry and also fueled my passion to keep helping parents in this dark battle.  
Currently we are fine tuning our process with one local  hospital's oncology department.  My goal is to have this used as a model that we can drop into more local area hospitals  and someday across the country.  I believe we will and it will be so.  xo, Kirsten

I am writing this post with total sincerity and feeling humbled as I never felt before.

Our first May 1 fundraiser was amazingly successful. The crazy thing is this...money is still coming in. As of right now we have received over $10k. It feels like an unbelievable amount. We are going to be able to help so many people whose lives are just horrid. We will be able to bring relief and some hope in such dark times. I want to extend my extreme appreciation to all who were present at the fundraiser, to all who have donated from near and afar and to my family and friends who have made this dream of KM3 a reality for me and our cancer patients.

To all who read this please know that I keep in touch with some of our patients. I have the opportunity and honor of connecting with these wonderful humans on a level that is just so deep. Because of the donations and support we have received I am able to connect with a Father with stage IV cancer to help him financially and offer up my commitment to be a support person for him emotionally. It is a beautiful intense connection that I don't take lightly and I treat with the respect it deserves.

Thank you from my heart and soul,
Kirsten