Music

 Its funny how music can be a powerful memory maker.  I have been hearing a song lately that takes back to a moment in time that I will never forget.  I was about 36 weeks pregnant with my son and had finished my chemotherapy but was in terrible shape.  I was so exhausted going to a doctor like everyday for misc. reasons...all having to do with the metastasized (traveling) breast cancer and my uber high-risk pregnancy.  Well I had lower abdomen cramping/contractions one late afternoon so I was advised to go to the Maternity ward.  After they ran some tests they gave me some medicine to stop the cramping/contractions and we had to stay there well into the late hours of the night for monitoring.  We were finally sent home after like 6 hours. I had a prescription to be filled so Brian drove us to the drive-thru pharmacy.  As we were waiting for the prescription a song came on the radio.  There is a section in the song where this line is repeated: "Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone."  Upon hearing that line the tears started running down my face like a river .  It was exactly how I felt.  I wanted to live but I sure was not happy with it.  I was so tired, so sick and had this baby growing inside me consuming the last of what  I had left.  I will never ever forget the pure despair I felt at that moment in the backseat...alone in the dark..wondering why me...what had I done to deserve the the misery of my current situation.  
While it is a terrible memory it is also a very grounding and powerful one.  It reminds me of the strength that I must have had to get through that.  Strength that I had no idea was within me.  That moment will forever remind me that if I could pull through that time then I can pull through a heck of a lot that gets thrown my way.