My Story

I have been told by many that I should write a book.  That idea has been swimming around in my mind for quite sometime.  Instead of a book I have decided to write my story in excerpts that I shall post here.  A book seems like a huge undertaking that intimidates me but I also think writing my story will be cathartic so here goes.  This is my first entry to My Story....
 Part 1:
My name is Kirsten Arbon.  I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on Thursday,May 3, 2012.  I was just about halfway into the pregnancy of my third child.  I had been experiencing some pain in my breast and went to have a routine ultra sound that morning to basically check to see if there were some cysts that were acting up.  Its funny because when I left that appointment I knew something was wrong.  I had lots of ultra sounds before but this one was different.  There was too many pictures taken and the room was way too quiet…usually there is friendly banter not silence.  My sister was watching my toddler so I called her upon leaving and told her I was scared.  We decided to not worry and went on with our day.  I then received a call in the afternoon from the breast center asking if I could come in that afternoon to see a doctor.  I made an appointment for later in the day so my teenager could be with my toddler after she got out of school. I remember lying down to take a nap with my baby knowing that things were gonna change.  My husband was in Atlanta on a business trip and my mom was in Europe.  I shut my eyes and tried to breathe until the appointment in a couple hours. My eldest got home from high-school and  I left for the appointment telling my her that it was just a routine appointment but as soon as I walked into that office I realized that was most definitely not the case.   As I looked at the receptionist I saw earlier that morning I could tell things were wrong.  She directed me to sit.  A nurse walked out shortly after I entered and asked if I was Kirsten, I replied “yes and I am scared.”  She introduced herself to me and little did I know that this woman would be my saving grace for the next years of my life.  I followed her into the patient room and she stood by my side as I got ready to see the doctor.  Later I would find out he was a breast surgeon….and part of the team that was to save my life and my sons.  He examined my breast for quite a while and again there was that silence.  The nurse was holding my left hand rubbing it to comfort me.  Then came the moment that he spoke.  He said “I believe it is what you think it is” and I responded “What do I think it is?”  He then said the word that creates the moment that any human will never forget…”Cancer.”  I can tell you this, I most certainly did not think it was cancer I looked at the nurse in disbelief and back to him then came some tears and I said “but I’m pregnant.”  They looked at me with kindness and sadness in their eyes…silent but saying sorry.  I believe I cried for a little while then composed myself and was wondering why there were no tests like biopsies and mammograms that people have before this moment.  I guess some sort of lead up to it not just WHAM.  He told me that based on the ultrasound they knew and he handed me a card of an oncologist with an appointment scheduled for the following Monday.  He proceeded to do a blind biopsy as the mass was so large he could do it without any aid.  After he was done I just sat up in shock and cried.  The office was empty and it was late so I put on my clothes and called my husband.  He answered and happened to be at a business dinner.  I said “Hi, I was just told I have cancer.”  I remember the pause then the reply ”What?”  I told him again and the conversation was brief as diner with a bunch of business acquaintances is surely not the place to have this discussion.  Can you imagine being him at that moment? Yuck.  So I walked out after some hugs from the nurse and held my head up and called my sister.  She asked how it went and I told her I was told I have cancer.  Again the pause…then as she is super strong and amazing she asked what I needed.  I told her I needed to her to be at my house when I got home as my eldest who is my soul mate would know immediately something was wrong.  I got home and I looked at my daughter and she said, exactly as I knew she would, “What’s wrong?”  I grabbed her by the hand and led her alone with me to my room.  We sat on my bed facing each other and I said “I have cancer.”  Her response was laden with tears.  She told me to do whatever I had to do to survive as I had 2 daughters who needed me.  I looked in her eyes and said I will do whatever it takes to live.  
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That my friend was Day 1.

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