Today

There is no shame in being real. There is no shame in breaking under the weight. There is no shame in lifting the veil and being vulnerable. I am learning that all as I move forward. I can't run from my past nor can I run away from my future. Living after dying will never be a distant memory. Cancer will never be a distant memory. Every day I see in the mirror huge scars where once was a body part. Every moment I feel the device implanted in my chest that has a wire ran through veins, I think, into my heart. The pills, the pain, the anxiety will never end. I will be on medication the rest of my days. I will be in pain the rest of my days. I will wonder if my heart is suddenly going to stop again the rest of my days. And all that is okay. All of that is doable. All of that has me appreciating the moments that slip by so fast. All of that enables me to get my toes done with my eldest, watch my little girl play soccer and play catch with my son. The simple things that are the most valuable I am here for. I am not ashamed to say life is hard. I am not ashamed to cry when I feel I can't take anymore. I know it will pass and I will lift my head, put my shoulders back apply some Bare Minerals to my face but a sock in my bra and clasp my mom necklace on and say "Girl you go kick some ass!"